


Other Such Inconsequential Questions

by SnailArmy



Category: The Mechanisms (Band)
Genre: Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Miscommunication, i'm really sorry you guys, lovers to enemies speedrun, marius has NO rights
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-03
Updated: 2020-04-03
Packaged: 2021-03-01 05:20:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,033
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23466019
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SnailArmy/pseuds/SnailArmy
Summary: Marius meets a stranger on board the Aurora. He then proceeds to entirely misunderstand the situation.Title from Orange Ball of Love, by the Mountain Goats.
Relationships: Marius von Raum/Doctor Pilchard
Comments: 12
Kudos: 64





	Other Such Inconsequential Questions

**Author's Note:**

> bullying marius hours are 24/7 babey
> 
> I'm really, really sorry about this, and I hated writing it. That sure didn't stop me though. 
> 
> Fisk, if you're reading this, this is your fault. You did this.

In a not altogether uncommon occurrence, Marius found himself being chased around the ship by octokittens. It wasn't that they wanted to hurt him or anything; no, they just had a rather unique way of expressing affection. One that involved sharp teeth and oozing tentacles. It was endearing, really, the way they followed him. Maybe he should get Nastya to make them some toys. Or give them all collars with little bells, so they would stop sneaking up on him. 

Marius glanced back. He was holding his ground, for now, but there were more of them than he was really comfortable with (even if it was just a game) so he had better make his way to a more populated area of the ship, Raph would know what to do-- right, yes, he was running at full speed down disused corridors, he should be looking at what was in _front_ of him. 

Marius glanced forward, and did his best to skid to an immediate halt. There was a person there, and he wasn't sure who it was but he _really_ didn't want to crash into them if it was Jonny, and it was too late they were on a collision course and they were going down and-

He crashed to the floor in a tangle of limbs. The person he had so rudely tackled was not, in fact, Jonny, and in his relief Marius didn't bother worrying about why it was a total stranger. The stranger was staring at him, and he was about to introduce himself, but as soon as he began to speak the other man did as well. They fumbled about verbally for a few moments before realizing that they were still lying on a pile on the floor, and instead fumbled about physically trying to stand up and separate themselves. 

"A pleasure to meet you! I am Baron Marius von Raum, ship's doctor. Well, not the doctor _for_ the ship, that would probably be Nastya, but the doctor for the people _on_ the ship. Not that they need it!" 

The stranger took his hand and shook it eagerly. "Ah, but the pleasure is all mine! My name is Doctor Pilchard, it is such a pleasure to meet a fellow medical professional." 

Doctor Pilchard had not stopped shaking his hand. He had also used the word 'pleasure' twice in two sentences. These were facts that Marius chose to notice while the slightly-less-stranger continued talking, rather than pay attention to the actual words being said. Luckily he managed to tune in for the last part. 

"So, would you mind accompanying me to the brig?"

"Are you going to tie me up?" Unfortunately, Marius' mouth moved faster than his brain. And oh, no, his eye was in on it too, and before he could stop himself he gave Dr. Pilchard a saucy wink. Marius still wasn't sure what the context for this conversation was but seduction was almost certainly the incorrect response. 

Pilchard had stopped shaking his hand, but was still holding it. Was that a good sign? He definitely looked taken aback. Marius watched for an agonizing moment as he regained his composure, then did his best to return the saucy wink. It was horrible and nowhere near as good as his own, but the intention was there. 

"I might. Do you think you can behave yourself?" Another wretched wink. Alright, this guy was clearly unpracticed in the art of seduction. It had been a long time since Marius found himself on this end of a pity fuck, but maybe he could show his new friend Pilchard a good time. Teach him a few tips and tricks, and hey, it probably wouldn't be the worst sexual experience he's had on the ship. That title belonged squarely to that time when the Toy Soldier had walked in on him while-

Marius was dragged, quite literally, from that train of thought by the man dragging him by the hand down the hallway. He seemed to know already where the brig was, which was either a good thing or a bad thing. The octokittens had also scurried off somewhere, and Marius figured that information fell in the same category. 

They were walking along at quite a brisk pace, and the other doctor's grip was firm. Maybe this wouldn't be so terrible. 

By the time they arrived at the brig, Marius was very much lost in his own thoughts and the almost cruel pressure of the hand around his. 

Pilchard swung him around to face him and dropped his hand. "On your knees." 

Marius wasn't sure where the confidence and commanding tone had come from, but he certainly wasn't going to argue. He dropped to his knees without hesitation, and reached up his hands to unbuckle Pilchard's (single) belt. 

Much to his surprise, Pilchard started laughing. "You really misjudged this situation, von Raum." 

It was then that Marius actually got a good look at what was happening. They were in the brig, certainly, but they were not the only ones. On the other side of the bars that made up Aurora's only holding cell were the other eight members of the Mechanisms. They had seen the whole thing, and were looking at him with an assortment of expressions.

He couldn't decide which was worst, when there were so many to choose from. Ashes' amusement, Jonny's disgust, Brian's pity. Scratch that, it was definitely Brian's pity. 

Marius was too embarrassed to do anything but quietly crawl into the cell and sit down while Pilchard locked the door behind him. Bastard didn't even deserve the title of doctor. 

-

About halfway through his gloating monologue, Tim started scooting closer, as best he could with his hands and ankles tied. Marius reached over and began halfheartedly undoing the bindings when the gunner leaned in close and whispered just a little too loudly, "Y'know, if you really wanted to suck someone's dick, you could have just asked." 

Marius flushed red, and pulled the rope holding Tim's arms tighter, making him gasp in pain. "Fuck you."

"If you insi-" 

"Quiet back there! I am _trying_ to monologue at you!"

They sighed in unison. "Sorry Doctor Pilchard." 

"Now, if you don't _mind_..."

**Author's Note:**

> Artist's rendition of Marius' Worst Sexual Experience On The Aurora
> 
> Scene: Interior, day. 
> 
> MARIUS sits on his bed, facing away from the audience. We hear sexual noises. 
> 
> The door opens. The TOY SOLDIER is on the other side. It has brought snacks. 
> 
> MARIUS: Wha- get out! I'm busy!
> 
> TS: You're doing it all wrong! Here, I'll show you!
> 
> TOY SOLDIER drops the snacks and advances into the room. MARIUS scrambles to zip his pants and find a weapon. 
> 
> Cut to black. 
> 
> Fin.


End file.
